Arriving Unarmed to a Backstabbing Party

As we get older, one would think the Mean Girls mentality would disappear. Although it did start to lessen over time, it still remains. I’ve found myself, even in recent years, participating in some petty conversations, mostly as an outward projection of my own insecurities. But over the past year, I’ve really started to see things differently and learned the necessity of helping, inspiring and encouraging other women. I’ve made amends with my ex-husband’s other ex-wife, who is the mother of his three sons. Our eternal tie is that our kids are siblings. I genuinely like her and am grateful to know her. I also made it a point to form a bond with the woman he was in a relationship with for two years. She is a huge part of my daughter’s life too.

A few weeks ago, a woman I’ve never met reached out to me because a man I had history with broke up with her. She had questions and even through her text messages, I could feel her pain. So, I answered her but more importantly, gave her encouragement. The majority of the conversation was trying to help her to see that she’s a whole person no matter her relationship status. Very little was directly about him. We texted over a few days and in a way, struck up an unlikely friendship. After a couple days of not hearing from her, I hoped she was ok and continued with my daily life. Late one evening I received a message from her ex-boyfriend stating that she sent him screenshots of everything I wrote. I ignored him but let her know by doing that, she violated girl code. Although I wasn’t surprised by her actions, I was annoyed because it was complete disregard for the help I attempted to provide when I could’ve easily just ignored her in the first place.

This series of events might cause anyone to think twice before offering help. But I will continue being me and won’t allow it to make me bitter. I truly believe we all want good things for each other. 99% of people don’t wake up in the morning hoping for someone else to suffer. However, I’ll be a little more cautious the next time someone wants information from me. The driving force behind these sort of behaviors is insecurity. Rejection can cause people to feel this way. And in the deepest parts of heartache, it’s almost impossible to see your own awesomeness.

If at any time, you find yourself in a situation that could hurt someone else, stop and think long and hard about how stabbing someone in the back could affect your personal growth and the others involved. It’s time to halt the demolition of women and start building each other up.